QUOTES

[As Himself]

No matter where you go, there you are.


The reality of my situation is that I’ve got a tongue problem, boy I tell ya, anyway, throat problem, I don’t know what…. a mouth problem in general. Hopefully you can all understand me and I don’t sound like Frankenstein.


Now, we were talking about, uh.. or I.. we?? We in the general terms. Hello, how are you today? How are we today? Uh, no we’re not in a hospital, we’re at a radio program, thank you!


Somehow, whether I try to predetermine it or not, it just for some reason always turns in to be a music show. Maybe I shouldn’t make it a talk show anymore because nobody ever emails me anything that’s so intricate nature that I would talk about it for a whole half an hour, then again would you want to hear me talk for half an hour? Don’t answer that!


Followed by 4pm, in the future, real music with Rachel Nathan, Rachel, can I ask you a question if you’re listening, what’s real music? I mean we’re not playing fake music are we?


(Ad: The sensible alternate) Yes it is sensible isn’t it? Think how sensible if you just got (Interrupted by ad: I heard you got in the car..) Hey hush you! I didn’t ask you to start promoting yourself!


I’m running out of time and there’s so much to do and so little time to do it in. So unfortunately I’m just going to have to move on. I’m very sorry, my brother Jerry, but you know how life is.. short! So you might as well make the most of it.


Hey now, yes it is.. it’s everywhere you want to be and.. (ad starts: another great place to use) oh you know, if I wanted you on my show I would’ve asked you. Just stop!


It’s the end of the program and there’s just oh my goodness, so much time and not enough time to do everything in.


He was either gonna try and get my name and report me to the FBI for tracking him down or IRS for tracking him down or he was about to bawl, I don't remember which it was.


You know it helps when you talk to the program director how to pronounce names, you might get them right someday, and I finally did.


It’s not like I could just be James Bond, press a single button and fly out into the air and shoot over into the OC when I was in Diamond Bar, not gonna happen.. at least not yet anyway but you never know with modern technology.


First there were seven days, then there were seven nights, am I starting a new Christmas story? Heck no!


Illiteration is always so appropriate in radio, don't you think?


Are you going "huh?", do you have an eye brow raised?

[As Characters]


Don’t punish me, I’m your favourite nephew. Hey, you two losers, I nearly got fried for your screw up.


I warned you not to drink from the chinese soup srping!


The yes or no promise is a real promise, but swearing by something is a connivent or conditional promise because it’s only a promise if condition suite the person who made it.


Excuse me, uh, Tina? Nice colourful target name-tag. Listen, I’m in a mess. My wife is home with my son and she didn’t diapers on her way home, can you help me?


Listen you little night crawler, if I had a friend it certainly wouldn’t be you.


So Sally, you know that big dance is coming up in two months, one week, four days and six hours? And I was just wondering I mean I don’t know if you’re already going with somebody, although I don’t know why you wouldn’t be because you’re the most popular girl in school but in case you’re not, I was wondering if you’d go with me?


You don’t know me either, how could you? If I don’t know myself. Who am I?


I don’t know what it is they want from me, how can I forgive them when I don’t understand what they did.


Human girls make human boys act sorta weird.


And your life doesn't, you know, have to be filled with a whole bunch of incredibally amazing events to be special. Believe me, some of the best times I've had are just eating and sleeping and hanging out with my friends.


You're as useless to me as an old pair of underwear made out of 100% poison ivy.


Isn't it a shame, we're just getting close and you go and lose your head.


Catch you later, old man.


I was wondering where you went! You're even bigger and uglier than you were before!